10 Least Favorite Americans

Here is the updated list of my 10 least favorite Americans. But first: a disclaimer.

There have been a lot of awful Americans in history. The list of my least favorite Americans of all time would go around the world, and would require a lot more research. So, for our purposes, I’m including only living Americans in this list (J. Edgar Hoover, for instance, would have made that “of all time list;” and Ronald Reagan kicked the bucket just three years too early to get a prime spot).

Also, there are obviously a lot of twisted Americans out there who are morally worse than many of those who made my list (Prussian Blue, for instance — a twin sister neo-Nazi singing duo with hits like “Aryan Man Awake,” which pleas: “Aryan man awake, How much more will you take, Turn that fear to hate, Aryan man awake”). My choices are based mostly on how influential these figures have been in our time — and how much destruction has come from their words and decisions.

So without further adieu, I present

Sophie’s 10 Least Favorite Americans

10. Michael D. Brown – The name to attach to all the FEMA atrocities associated with Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath, Brown acted totally ineptly throughout the whole mess, proving the U.S. was utterly unprepared for natural disaster, and that in the face of one (a really, really big one), the people in charge were more concerned with their wardrobes than with the plights of suffering families whose lives were wrecked by the havoc: “Please roll up the sleeves of your shirt, all shirts. Even the president rolled his sleeves to just below the elbow. In this [crisis] and on TV you just need to look more hard-working,” wrote Brown’s adviser in an interview that surfaced in the midst of the disaster.

9. Rush Limbaugh – Limbaugh is the uncontested voice for conservative America, and the shock-jock for the political right. Unfortunately, “shocking” political commentary sells in America, and many uninformed voters eat it up like candy (see the more dangerous #5 on this list). Limbaugh is quoted as saying things like, “Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream;” “The difference between Los Angeles and yogurt is that yogurt comes with less fruit;” and “The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down.” Oh, Rush! You card! You fiesty little radio commentator, you! Unfortunately for the percentage of us who recognize that Mr. Limbaugh is an utter moron, he is high and above one of the most listened-to radio personalities in the business, giving conservatives pretty much the whole terrain of the radio punditocracy, as Eric Alterman puts it.

8. H. Lee Scott – Oh, Wal-Mart. How you have shaped our political and social economy! How you have taught us that we can, indeed, have Chilean salmon for $4.84 a pound — as long as we’re willing to sacrifice worker’s rights, eliminate small businesses, put the environment at caustic risk, perpetuate crime, promote racism and sexism, disembowel union movements, make Medicare a veritable joke, and push salmon so far up on the endangered species list they’ll make the blue-footed booby look like your common mallard. And the kind of hypocrisy of Mr. Scott (Wal-Mart’s CEO and motivational speaker for all), only exacerbates the blatantly criminal activity that has become the mission of the Wal-Mart corporation at large.

7. Richard M. Daley – I think the bone I have to pick with Mr. Daley is largely personal. He has annoyingly followed the footsteps of his father, who notoriously worked with the mob to keep himself in office and to keep Chicago a well-oiled political machine. As it is to this day. Daley Jr. is responsible for making the rich (read: visible to tourists) areas of Chicago pretty, shiny and green, while veritably ignoring the city’s increasingly poor, impoverished neighborhoods. He likes gentrification — a lot. Maybe he thinks if he keeps getting white kids to move out to previously poor neighborhoods he can drive the ethnic minorities right out of town. He advocated to get a Wal-Mart within the city limits, has done nothing for education, and has spoken out about how ridiculous and nonsensical the animal rights cause is. The Windy City should blow him away post haste.

6. George W. BushComparing Dubya to a chimpanzee is too kind to Dubya and unfair to the chimp. While his approval ratings continue to plummet, it becomes clearer that the 43rd president is probably the worst this country has ever had. (See #1 on this list for more).

5. Ann Coulter – Ann Coulter is beautiful, blonde, and she just loves to make a fuss about things. She started out on MSNBC as an anchor, but was fired in 1997:

Robert Muller [Vietnam veteran and] co-founder of the International Campaign to Ban Landmines, asserted that “in 90 percent of the cases that U.S. soldiers got blown up [in Vietnam] — Ann, are you listening? — they were our own mines.” (Muller was paraphrasing a 1969 Pentagon report that found that 90 percent of the components used in enemy mines came from U.S. duds and refuse.) Coulter averted her eyes and responded sarcastically: “No wonder you guys lost.”

After Ann was booted, she got better and better at the whole, “shockingly Republican” thing, writing books like “How To Talk To A Liberal (If You Must),” and generally shelling out witty one-liners on Fox about the spineless, irritating political maggot-nest that is the American Left. Today, Coulter is more influential than Limbaugh because of her charisma: In another life, she could have been Paris Hilton. What this means, of course, is that a lot of people listen to her; worship her; and are influenced by her every move. So when she says things like, “If we’re so cruel to minorities, why do they keep coming here? Why aren’t they sneaking across the Mexican border to make their way to the Taliban?” people listen. And then they hate immigrants.

4. Donald Rumsfeld – I’m relatively certain Donald Rumsfeld is totally delusional. You have to give credit where credit is due, though: Rumsfeld is personally responsible for literally thousands of deaths. By knowingly misleading the American public into an unjust war, he put his own well-being above the lives of millions of people. And his crimes don’t end there: Rumsfeld openly admitted that the detainees at Guantanamo Bay were being tortured — and that kind of torture is still going on today.

3. Rocky J. Suhayda – The chairman of the American Nazi Party, who advocates on behalf of the oppressed white man in America. i wish I didn’t have to put Mr. Suhayda so high on this list — and the fact of the matter is that this is more of a symbolic placement of a lot of nameless, faceless people in this country who are responsible for countless hate crimes in America. Unfortunately, though, hate crimes in America are not going away any time soon, and they continue to make the land of the free and the home of the brave a really scary place to walk home late at night for millions. In a recent letter to Mr. Suhayda on the American Nazi Party Web site, a reader rants: “First off, I’m sick and tired of losing out on good pay/good benefit jobs because I’m a white male. I didn’t do anything, to anybody. Yet, I’m CONSTANTLY losing out to the quota system. People who are outright garbage get the jobs that I qualify for, simply because their got a rough time in the past. I’m sure my ancestors had it rough when they first came here. Nobody gives me any special breaks.” What makes me really sick is that because of lack of proper education and information due to a long history of institutionalized racism and bigotry that still hasn’t been abolished, people are going to continue to think this way.

2. Rupert Murdoch – Journalism should provide an unbiased, informed account of what is going on in the world so that the greater public can make their own decisions about what is right and what is wrong. In the perfect world, journalists would give voices to voiceless — illuminate parts of life that would otherwise remain only in dark corners and shady alleys. In Rupert Murdoch’s world, though, journalism is glossy, pretty and bent as far to the Right as can feasibly be possible before people stop believing it as true. Which makes Murdoch — the billionaire owner of Fox News, MySpace, a bevvy of movies and book series, worldwide magazines and newspapers (soon to include the great Wall Street Journal) — the most dangerous person in America. He has his hands on the tools which shape the opinions of this country, as he casually pushes away hard news in favor of tabloid celebrity scandals and weight-loss tricks. This young government should be constantly changing. The people of this country should be always outraged. Murdoch has given them the fatal pacifier which will, in turn, wash free speech down the proverbial drain.

1. Dick Cheney – In the past months, the news has been all a-flutter with the preposterous lengths this man has gone to in order to become the most powerful vice president in history. And with his faithful puppet, George W. Bush, ever-ready to take orders, Cheney has manipulated the country to his liking. The Bush-Cheney administration has made the United States a country that is nearly impossible to be proud of: Committing acts of terror day to day at Guantanamo Bay; sending unending troops to an unwinnable and unjust war in Iraq; failing to stand up to the increasingly vital threat of global warming; refusing to improve gun control when we need it most; ignoring racial turmoil at home; screwing people over in terms of Medicare; reacting terribly to natural disaster; appointing to the Supreme Court a man who would derail years of feminist and civil rights work; the list goes on and on. And for all of it, Bush and Cheney have gone hand-in-hand, scheming and dreaming with the best of them. Cheney, however, has the added demerit of shooting his friend in the face while hunting quail.

2 responses

21 07 2007
americans suck « upside down again.

[…] navigation archivesabout10 Least Favorite Americans « […]

22 07 2007
katie

Typical kids, for the most part—except for the odd visit from the FBI, which showed up recently looking for copies of mash notes the girls had received from Matthew Hale, the former self-proclaimed pontifex maximus of the World Church of the Creator (now serving a forty-year prison sentence for soliciting the murder of a federal judge). That, and the fact that they would really like it if white people could have their very own nation (the Pacific Northwest would be awesome), free from the degenerate and corrupting influence of Jews, blacks, and other “muds,” the neat catchall applied to basically everyone else. They live in fear that rampant race mixing will put blue-eyed blonds on the endangered-species list within a few generations. And if it takes a race war to preserve their people and make, say, Portland, Oregon, a whiter shade of pale, well, let’s get it on.

from the prussian blue interview with gq magazine.
we’re moving to chicago for sure.

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